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| Logo From Chicken Soup Website |
The past few weeks have been amazingly busy. Lyme Meningitis turns out to be the tragedy of the month. I now understand way more than I wish I did about symptoms, reoccurrence and the politics of the disease with its infighting among doctors. It is nothing less than a scary place to be! Annabelle has decided to turn it around and have lemonade stands to help the cause. Joshua’s death taught us all to turn our pain outward and help others. It feels so good.
In the midst of the Anniversary of Joshua’s Death, his upcoming 21st Birthday and many other things swirling around my life, I hoped to get a story published in Chicken Soups upcoming book on grief and loss. From my research this is no simple task and the more I researched about the odds, the less I thought I had a chance. I am a closet writer, who has very little confidence when it comes to sending out my works. Some days I sat and wrote in tears, some day’s I wrote and screamed at my son for leaving me and other days I simply could not pick up the pen. In looking back I must have looked like Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give. My goal was to continue my sons legacy and tell his story, while letting others know they are not alone. It was daunting, exhausting and gut wrenching. I sent it and emmediatly forgot about it. That was going to be the only way to NOT check my email every day. For years I wrote, and was far to attached and worried about the rejection to send things. How then was I able to send out a work about my son’s death, and not be so attached to it that I would be devastated if it was not chosen. I just don’t know who I managed it.
2 Days ago the email came. It was from Chicken Soup and when my eyes saw “PERMISSION” in the headline I jumped up from my desk and sobbed. My daughters ran to me hugging me and asking me what was wrong. They then went in and checked the email, I simply could not read on. Danielle came back in jumping up and down and saying “they want it” “they want The Joshua Tree, Mommy”. They call me mommy just like Josh did up until he died. I love it. I finally made it back to the email, they want my permission to print and the money I earn for the story will go right back into next years walk for suicide!!!! They also give out 10 free books and I am so excited. Joshua was on this earth for far to short a time, that story will not live on in the pages of a book and help keep him alive.
Last night I fell asleep holding his jacket for a time. Thanking him for watching over me and my dreams. Sometimes the reality strikes me when grief will allow. I cried myself to sleep, loving him and loving his memories.
For all of you on the Life Is A Highway FB page, my family husband and children. This was not possible without you picking me back up and brushing me off with encouragement. The book comes out in Feb of 2011. Pick up a copy and know that within that with my story are your efforts for those you loved and lost.
Thank You
Blessings,
Joshua’s Mom
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