Life Books

Joshua’s death does indeed have silver linings whether I like to believe it or not. One of these is what is left for his sisters Danielle and Annabelle.




It seems I would do my son a huge disservice if not to learn from every aspect of his being gone. As I wildly pour over journals I have kept since he was a baby, I have become irritated with myself at how much I blabbered on about failed marriages, weight gain and people in general. The top portion, usually a paragraph is dedicated to the kids and then on and on with things that do not matter. The gold is the moments I wrote about his first steps, his favorite foods, and the way he was growing into a young man. Oh how I wish I had sat and written about him for hours on end.



Lesson…..Each moment is precious and you can not get it back. But you certainly can paint it’s picture with words.



Action:

A few weeks ago I went to the bookstore and bought two journals. Each of them represent my daughters ages 14 and 12. One is black and has rainbows on it, perfect for a teen and the other birds perfect for the girl who loves nature and just made her mommy a bird feeder. I then divided them into sections, past, present and future and began to record. Past was fun as I took boxes and boxes of journals and dumped them on the floor in front of the fire. Oh the things they said and did as babies.  It was a daunting task to sift through all of my drama and get to the best of it all. The present is for the things I see and hear now. The favorite games and activities and the many questions they ask me about growing up and the future is about things I hope for them and things I think they will need to know. How gorgeous they are inside and out, how to be mindful of the virtues as they travel through the harder times …I then add recipes and things of myself so they can remember me God forbid I am gone.



Joshua Stephen Amaral, it might be too late for you. But it is not to late for us. Thank you for showing me how to honor you in every conversation, every relationship and every moment of my life.



~Your Mommy