Bullying

Dealing with the loss of a child is a slow process. It has helped me  in recent years to let grief lead  the way and guide me in the directions I could handle at any given time. There were always aspects I was not ready for. The visualization of what Joshua went through as he gasped for his last breath, the physical aspects of death and burial, and even the people who contributed to his demise and my anger. I must admit the last one has been avoided by me like the plague. With all of this rage, I never really wanted to have anyone to direct it towards. It has now become an inevitable part of my moving forward.




As many of you now know, Massachusetts is in the midst of a bullying push. The Phoebe Prince hanging in South Hadley catapulted Bullying to the very front of our lives and gave it the emphasis it needed to have something done. Late though it is, it is certainly now opening up this topic in schools and with teachers everywhere. A week ago I got a phone call from the principal of our local high school looking to have Joshua’s story told as part of the teacher training and also for some object lessons on what is and what is not bullying. And there it was. A very, very difficult piece of this puzzle for me to face. The school is not simply interested in suicide, but suicide specific to torment. Many of Joshua’s friends have shared with me the torment he suffered in Wolfeboro at the hands of cruel people and I of course know much about the years before that. The term that hit Joshua the hardest was “FAGGIT”. That word hurts just to say it. I have now spent this past week pouring over messages from Josh on the computer, journals and going through all of the emails from his friends. It is the hardest reality yet to face. I did not protect Joshua from nasty people, nasty insults and nasty games.



Suicide is not pretty. Bullying is downright ugly and has many forms. I hope to be an inspiration to the teachers at North Middlesex Regional High School and provide them with empathy and knowledge. Joshua did not always want to kill himself. He was pushed. My goal is that no student suffers the same pushing!



Joshua’s Mom



P.S If you are reading this and you are a bully or a bystander please note, you are no longer protected and if caught you will be punished, now more seriously than ever. If you are an adult that bullies, please stop right away and seek help. You are likely raising a bully.